Seriously I thought I was done having kids. I have a boy and a girl. A matching blond set. They each have their own room and are both kinda spoiled. So why now do I have this burning desire for a baby?
My youngest is a very independent four year old. She occasionally wants to cuddle with mommy, but for the most part she doesn't need mama anymore for her basic needs. My oldest is at that age where he only comes into the living areas for food. I really enjoyed when they needed me to do things for them. I feel like I need a baby. I am watching pregnancy vlogs on YouTube. I am also Pintersting more baby things than anything else on there. I think I have really caught the baby fever. Maybe it's because my daughter pretends that her baby dolls are her brother and sister, because she want to be a big sister so badly. I don't think she fully understands that a real baby would take up a lot of my time and she wouldn't be the only one that is the center of attention. I have tried to explain that to her in a way she would understand, but she says she doesn't care. She is so cute she asked me how we would get a baby and I told her that when mommies want a baby they pray about it and God puts a baby in their belly. Well now in her goodnight prayers she prays for a baby.
When I had my daughter I got an IUD inserted. I just felt this was the best option for me. I knew I couldn't afford more babies right away and at 23 I still had time to have more down the road. The pill made me sick and I actually was on the pill when I got pregnant, because I was ignorant to the fact that it wasn't totally in my system yet. (My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me thought, and I'm so glad she is in my life anyway!) I know there were other methods of birth control out there I just didn't like the side effects of any of them. So anyway I got a copper IUD that lasts for up to ten years and for me it has been awesome! This IUD has no hormones, and I have never had a pregnancy scare. I know of one person who has gotten pregnant with one in. I also know of someone that their IUD came out during their period. So, everyone is different, but it is rare for those things to happen. Anyway, that's my two cents about birth control. If you don't want kids for a while but aren't sure if you are totally done an IUD is the way to go.
So after that birth control spill my point is I can't just start trying to get pregnant with out going to the doctor and having this IUD taken out. This means that I have to make the final decision that I am going to try for another baby. I know that if I were to have a baby it would all work out. You just find a way to make things work, but I feel like right now I can't afford to have more kids, I don't have enough room in my house, and I want to finish a least my associates degree. I also want go lose weight so I'm not fat and pregnant. I want to be fat because I'm pregnant. On the other hand I don't want to wait on everything to fall into place, because that may never happen.
I also have a lot of fears about being pregnant again. I have been pregnant three times. My first pregnancy was with Zoe. I was going to my checkup at 25 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I delivered her that night and it was the worst experience of my life. Then a year later I got pregnant again and I found out pretty early because I was trying to get pregnant. I went into the doctor becacuse I was spotting at about 9 weeks. He did an ultrasound and told me that I had a blighted ovum. I had an empty sack and had a miscarriage a few days later. So, when I found out that I was pregnant the third time I was an emtional wreck with worry. I tried to not get attached to the idea of actually getting to bring a healthy baby home from the hospital. I am not blind to the fact that it could happen again and I would not want my daughter to have to go through that with me. It was hard on me to go thru. How would I explain to her that her baby brother of sister died in mommy's tummy? I went throught that with Myles but he didn't really have his head wrapped around the fact that I had a real baby in my belly. Needless to say I have not told Kyra that she has a sister in Heaven. I will when she is older, but if we talked about it now she would want to talk aobut it all the time. My emotions could not handle talking about it everyday.
I truely believe that children are a gift from God. I wish I had that drive like the Duggers to have as many babies as God allows, I just don't feel like God wants me to have 20 kids. I want to be the best parents I can be to the kids that I do have and I don't think there would be enought of me to go around if I had a large family. So sometimes I feel guilt about the IUD in that "Is this what God wants for me?" way. I think if God really wanted me to have another baby he would somehow make me have this IUD out. I know I'm indecivie, but some of these major life decisions are so hard.
So to sum it up yes I want another baby, but I'm going to wait until I am totally sure I'm ready. I have a few more child bearing years and even thought I'm not sure that I am done with having babies, like I once thought. How did you now when you were finished having kids and ready for the next stage in your life?
My youngest is a very independent four year old. She occasionally wants to cuddle with mommy, but for the most part she doesn't need mama anymore for her basic needs. My oldest is at that age where he only comes into the living areas for food. I really enjoyed when they needed me to do things for them. I feel like I need a baby. I am watching pregnancy vlogs on YouTube. I am also Pintersting more baby things than anything else on there. I think I have really caught the baby fever. Maybe it's because my daughter pretends that her baby dolls are her brother and sister, because she want to be a big sister so badly. I don't think she fully understands that a real baby would take up a lot of my time and she wouldn't be the only one that is the center of attention. I have tried to explain that to her in a way she would understand, but she says she doesn't care. She is so cute she asked me how we would get a baby and I told her that when mommies want a baby they pray about it and God puts a baby in their belly. Well now in her goodnight prayers she prays for a baby.
When I had my daughter I got an IUD inserted. I just felt this was the best option for me. I knew I couldn't afford more babies right away and at 23 I still had time to have more down the road. The pill made me sick and I actually was on the pill when I got pregnant, because I was ignorant to the fact that it wasn't totally in my system yet. (My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me thought, and I'm so glad she is in my life anyway!) I know there were other methods of birth control out there I just didn't like the side effects of any of them. So anyway I got a copper IUD that lasts for up to ten years and for me it has been awesome! This IUD has no hormones, and I have never had a pregnancy scare. I know of one person who has gotten pregnant with one in. I also know of someone that their IUD came out during their period. So, everyone is different, but it is rare for those things to happen. Anyway, that's my two cents about birth control. If you don't want kids for a while but aren't sure if you are totally done an IUD is the way to go.
So after that birth control spill my point is I can't just start trying to get pregnant with out going to the doctor and having this IUD taken out. This means that I have to make the final decision that I am going to try for another baby. I know that if I were to have a baby it would all work out. You just find a way to make things work, but I feel like right now I can't afford to have more kids, I don't have enough room in my house, and I want to finish a least my associates degree. I also want go lose weight so I'm not fat and pregnant. I want to be fat because I'm pregnant. On the other hand I don't want to wait on everything to fall into place, because that may never happen.
I also have a lot of fears about being pregnant again. I have been pregnant three times. My first pregnancy was with Zoe. I was going to my checkup at 25 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I delivered her that night and it was the worst experience of my life. Then a year later I got pregnant again and I found out pretty early because I was trying to get pregnant. I went into the doctor becacuse I was spotting at about 9 weeks. He did an ultrasound and told me that I had a blighted ovum. I had an empty sack and had a miscarriage a few days later. So, when I found out that I was pregnant the third time I was an emtional wreck with worry. I tried to not get attached to the idea of actually getting to bring a healthy baby home from the hospital. I am not blind to the fact that it could happen again and I would not want my daughter to have to go through that with me. It was hard on me to go thru. How would I explain to her that her baby brother of sister died in mommy's tummy? I went throught that with Myles but he didn't really have his head wrapped around the fact that I had a real baby in my belly. Needless to say I have not told Kyra that she has a sister in Heaven. I will when she is older, but if we talked about it now she would want to talk aobut it all the time. My emotions could not handle talking about it everyday.
I truely believe that children are a gift from God. I wish I had that drive like the Duggers to have as many babies as God allows, I just don't feel like God wants me to have 20 kids. I want to be the best parents I can be to the kids that I do have and I don't think there would be enought of me to go around if I had a large family. So sometimes I feel guilt about the IUD in that "Is this what God wants for me?" way. I think if God really wanted me to have another baby he would somehow make me have this IUD out. I know I'm indecivie, but some of these major life decisions are so hard.
So to sum it up yes I want another baby, but I'm going to wait until I am totally sure I'm ready. I have a few more child bearing years and even thought I'm not sure that I am done with having babies, like I once thought. How did you now when you were finished having kids and ready for the next stage in your life?
No comments:
Post a Comment