Birth Control and Baby Fever

Seriously I thought I was done having kids.  I have a boy and a girl.  A matching blond set. They each have their own room and are both kinda spoiled. So why now do I have this burning desire for a baby? 

My youngest is a very independent four year old.  She occasionally wants to cuddle with mommy, but for the most part she doesn't need mama anymore for her basic needs.  My oldest is at that age where he only comes into the living areas for food.  I really enjoyed when they needed me to do things for them.  I feel like I need a baby.  I am watching pregnancy vlogs on YouTube.  I am also Pintersting more baby things than anything else on there.  I think I have really caught the baby fever.  Maybe it's because my daughter pretends that her baby dolls are her brother and sister, because she want to be a big sister so badly.  I don't think she fully understands that a real baby would take up a lot of my time and she wouldn't be the only one that is the center of attention.   I have tried to explain that to her in a way she would understand, but she says she doesn't care.  She is so cute she asked me how we would get a baby and I told her that when mommies want a baby they pray about it and God puts a baby in their belly.  Well now in her goodnight prayers she prays for a baby. 

When I had my daughter I got an IUD inserted.  I just felt this was the best option for me.  I knew I couldn't afford more babies right away and at 23 I still had time to have more down the road.  The pill made me sick and I actually was on the pill when I got pregnant, because I was ignorant to the fact that it wasn't totally in my system yet.  (My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me thought, and I'm so glad she is in my life anyway!)  I know there were other methods of birth control out there I just didn't  like the side effects of any of them.  So anyway I got a copper IUD  that lasts for up to ten years and for me it has been awesome!  This IUD has no hormones, and I have never had a pregnancy scare.  I know of one person who has gotten pregnant with one in.  I also know of someone that their IUD came out during their period. So, everyone is different, but it is rare for those things to happen.  Anyway, that's my two cents about birth control.  If you don't want kids for a while but aren't sure if you are totally done an IUD is the way to go.

So after that birth control spill my point is I can't just start trying to get pregnant with out going to the doctor and having this IUD taken out.  This means that I have to make the final decision that I am going to try for another baby.  I know that if I were to have a baby it would all work out.  You just find a way to make things work, but I feel like right now I can't afford to have more kids, I don't have enough room in my house, and I want to finish a least my associates degree.  I also want go lose weight so I'm not fat and pregnant.  I want to be fat because I'm pregnant.  On the other hand I don't want  to wait on everything to fall into place, because that may never happen.

 I also have a lot of fears about being pregnant again.  I have been pregnant three times.  My first pregnancy was with Zoe.  I was going to my checkup at 25 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeat.  I delivered her that night and it was the worst experience of my life.  Then a year later I got pregnant again and I found out pretty early because I was trying to get pregnant.  I went into the doctor becacuse I was spotting at about 9 weeks.  He did an ultrasound and told me that I had a blighted ovum.  I had an empty sack and had a miscarriage a few days later.  So, when I found out that I was pregnant the third time I was an emtional wreck with worry.  I tried to not get attached to the idea of actually getting to bring a healthy baby home from the hospital.  I am not blind to the fact that it could happen again and I would not want my daughter to have to go through that with me.  It was hard on me to go thru.  How would I explain to her that her baby brother of sister died in mommy's tummy?  I went throught that with Myles but he didn't really have his head wrapped around the fact that I had a real baby in my belly.  Needless to say I have not told Kyra that she has a sister in Heaven.  I will when she is older, but if we talked about it now she would want to talk aobut it all the time. My emotions could not handle talking about it everyday.

I truely believe that children are a gift from God.  I wish I had that drive like the Duggers to have as many babies as God allows, I just don't feel like God wants me to have 20 kids.  I want to be the best parents I can be to the kids that I do have and I don't think there would be enought of me to go around if I had a large family.  So sometimes I feel guilt about the IUD in that "Is this what God wants for me?" way.  I think if God really wanted me to have another baby he would somehow make me have this IUD out.  I know I'm indecivie, but some of these major life decisions are so hard.

So to sum it up yes I want another baby, but I'm going to wait until I am totally sure I'm ready. I have a few more child bearing years and even thought I'm not sure that I am done with having babies, like I once thought.  How did you now when you were finished having kids and ready for the next stage in your life?

"My Friend"

So this past week I had "my friend" visit.  I know you ladies know what  I mean. Your mom may have taught you to refer to it as something else, but we all have a menstrual cycle. It's rare for a woman to talk about it to anyone but a close girlfriend.  Which is a shame, because it is a natural part of life.  It's not the most pleasant thing, but why is it so mortifying to leak and have menstrual blood on your pants?  I know it embarrasses me when I have a "spill".  In fact it happens to me almost every time I have a heavy period.  Not only is it embarrassing it is messy and sometimes hard to clean up.
Last Sunday I started my period.  Like a typical first day of my period I was cramping really bad.  I cramp so bad on the first day that I don't like to wear tampons.  Tampons seem to make my cramps worse, but on this day my flow was really heavy so I had to wear a tampon and a thick pad to church, for fear of a leak.  Well what do you know I had to walk out of church with my jacket tied around my waist. I soaked thru a pad and a tampon in less than two hours.  I came home thinking there has go to be something I can do about this.

Well, a few weeks ago my bestie posted a blog link about cloth menstrual pads.  My first thought was I couldn't do that.  Then another friend commented on her post about something called a Diva Cup.  Again, I thought I couldn't use one of those.  Then after the thousandth time of cleaning up a bloody mess and stain fighting my pretty skirt I decided to give them a try.  Sunday evening I did a lot of research, mostly on YouTube. I watched one lady who had several reviews on several different cloth menstrual pads or mama pads as some people call them. Anyway, I went to several of the websites  that were linked from her reviews.  Her favorite pad is Party In My Pants pads or PIMPS.  I decided to purchase this brand because they have a free sample called curious. You pay the shipping of $3.99 and they send you the panty liner for free.  I just got it today but and I am no longer on my period but I wore it today just to see how it feels to wear it.  Also, they are super cute! PIMPS wrote me a personal thank you for trying there brand and also sent a small square of organic dark chocolate.  I am also going to try to sew my own pads because now that I have my Diva Cup I will not need to wear thick pads.  Visit www.partypantspads.com  for more details.

There are other versions of the Diva Cup, but I chose to purchase it after reading some reviews.  The Diva Cup to me is the best thing since sliced bread.  A Diva Cup is a surgical silicone cup that fits in the vagina and catches your menstrual flow.  You can ware it for up to 12 hours,and you don't have to worry about toxic shock syndrome from wearing it. I got it in the mail while my period was still heavy this week.   LOL I have never been so excited to be on my period.  I got to use it for two day and never had any leakage.  Then second day I even wore the Diva Cup with out wearing a back up pad.  Visit www.divacup.com for more details.

I know what y'all are thinking.  Isn't that messy?  Well isn't it all messy?  Periods are just messy.  I usually get blood on my hands anyway,  so why not use the Diva Cup and save the money on buying a box or more of tampons every month.  Isn't it gross to wash those cloth menstrual pads?  Don't you usually have to wash blood out of your under ware at least once in your cycle?   I know this may not be for everyone, but I just thought I would share, because I am so glad that my friends were "brave" enough to share these products with everyone on Facebook.  I am also going to save a lot of money not throwing away pads and tampons, and that means a lot to this frugal mamma.

Finally Got It Under Control

So it's been a couple weeks since I have blogged about my slobishness. (Is slobishness a word?....I just made it one.)   So I feel like I have finally got my home under control.  I still have a couple of places that are cluttered.  Like my computer desk and my master bath that  I use as storage.  I live in a mobile home and we have no stroage building so every closet is packed.  Anyway, I have gotten the main things under control just by picking up clutter every day. My husband has even complimented me several time on how nice it is for things to not be so cluttered.  When we moved in we did it in a hurry. At the time I had a newborn and I just never really made it feel homey ya know.  I finally feel at home here, and I finally got my hallway project done I've been blogging about..........

I was using my freakin hallway as storage for way too long.  Not only did I keep a door in the hall, there was a part of a crib, empty Wii, and Wii Fit boxes, and of course some random stuff my daughter threw behind ther.  I finally had enough and decided to get rid of or find and new home for this crap.........

I got everything cleaned up and finally painted the walls the same color as my livingroom (that I painted over a year ago). I put a little bench in there that my daughter is using to put her baby doll clothes in and she's using it as her babies changing table. So not only can I wald through my hallway without stubbing my toe we also have a little extra functional space in our small home.  Now that I have the basics under control it is on to the next project......

Things We Should Do For Love

I have been with my husband since I was just a teenager.  I know that we have both grown as people since we have been together nine years. I also know things with us are constantly changing. In the big picture I have only just begun my relationship with him; if we both live to be old and gray that is.  We could possibly be married another forty to sixty years depending on how long we live.  I have relatives that just celebrated there 70th wedding anniversary. Wow 70 years! I can't hardy imagine being alive long enough to be married 70 years.  Here are a couple bits of advice of things we should do for love.

Going by grandma's advice right now in this stage of my life is the hardest part of marriage. We have little kids, the economy is bad, and life is just stressful.  Plus I am just now becoming more aware of how my husband ticks and how to handle a situation to keep from having an argument.  We still do argue over little things but not as much as when we first got together.  I was young and I thought everything had to be MY way.  The older I get the more laid back I get.  I have learned to pick my battles and wait for an appropriate time to hash it out.  Fighting in the middle of Walmart just makes me look ignorant. Well I guess as a teenager I was ignorant about most things. Now I see people going at it in public and I just shake my head and Thank God that I realized how silly that is.  Also fighting in front of the kids is never a good idea.  We really try our best to keep disagreements between us and not let the kids in on the arguments.  It isn't always easy and sometimes I lose my cool, but at the end of the day our kids know that we love each other.  People should be more patient, with their partners. If you promise to be with someone the rest of your life, why make life miserable over leaving the toilet seat up or something else that really isn't a big deal.

Since I have  been married I have gained a ton of weight, I used to care a little bit about fashion and I wore makeup on a daily basis.  I guess you could say I had let myself go. I used to say, "I'm already married what does it matter what I look like?"   Recently I have been exercising a lot and trying to eat right.  I have started losing weight but I was doing it for myself for health reasons, but I got to thinking:  Why in the world would somebody be attracted to a slop.  My husband has never been negative about my weight, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind a bit for  me to be fit and trim. So after this revelation I think about him when I need some motivation.  Anyway, last Sunday after church I was thinking, "Why is he sitting beside me to watch TV?"  Then I realized I still was dressed nice and had on a ton of make-up.  Like every time I ware make-up and fix my hair nice he always gives me compliments and pays more attention to me.  So almost every day this week, even if I didn't really feel like it, I fixed my hair and make-up the same way I do on Sunday for church.  Well it worked out in my favor.  He was so much more attentive to me.  He did ask why I was wearing so much make-up lately. I told him it was for him and he grinned.  So maybe it took me a few years to figure it out, but my man really likes for me put myself  "together" for him.  He would never ask me to on his own. Maybe for fear of my wrath or maybe because he didn't even realize he wanted me to. Anyway, my point is if you know what your partner likes why not do it (with in reason of course)?  You are going to live with this person for the of your lives why not make each other happy.