I met my husband when our son was three. He lived with my husband and he was really well taken care of. That is what really attracted me to my husband. My boy was part of the package. I love him just as much as I would have if I had given birth to him myself. He was so little when my husband and I got together that he never seemed to resent me for being with his dad, or want his mom and dad together. He couldn't even remember when his mom and dad were together anyway. Poor kid moved backed and forth several between his mom and dad when he was little. He adjusted well with every move and he thought that moving back and forth was just something that you do. As he got older it became obvious that he should not keep changing school. His mom was sick so he moved in with us permanently. I have been his primary care giver since he was nine and every time he lived with us before then. Of course his dad helps, but I run the household. I have never been like fix your kid something to eat or help him with his homework. He is treated like my own.
I obviously have had to make him mind and sometimes he would get mad at me for that. He is a hardheaded kid that doesn't like to take no for an answer, but for the most part we got along really well. Then came my beautiful baby girl. There is an eight year age difference so for a little over 4 years he had me all to himself. I suppose it is part sibling rivalry part preteen hormones but now I'm the wicked stepmother! Every time I do something for my daughter that I don't do for him he says he is so deprived! He has more chores to do because he is older than her. He thinks I'm a slave driver and it's unfair to him. If I would have given birth to him and he waited eight years to have another child (I didn't wait eight years on purpose, but that's another blog.) maybe he would still say I play favorites to her. Either way how fair is it for either one of us that he feels this way.
I don't want him to feel like an outcast or that I don't love him just as much as I love her. I know that one day when he is older he will realize I was his parent not the wicked stepmother that he thinks I am. I try to spend good one on one time with him, tell him, and show him how much I love him. I guess that being a stepparent is like being a parent to any kid they don't know it at the time but you are doing the best you can to help them turn into a responsible self-sufficient adult. Maybe one day he will read this and know just how much I love him, my oldest and only boy. All kids act like they don't like their parents. My daughter say she hates me sometimes too. It just seems to cut deeper when he gets mad at me. So if you have a stepchild love them lots even if they act like they don't want it they do.